is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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