I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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