I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
