college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
