Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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