well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
