dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
