and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
