I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just invented taco cereal.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
