Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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