Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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