After last night, I could never be a politician.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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