This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
