I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
