At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
