Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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