I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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