I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
