Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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