Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
