so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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