There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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