My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
