I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
