Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
3pm strippers are depressing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
