I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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