I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
