I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
3 2 1 whiskey
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I did not marry a roomba.
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