I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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