The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
