i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Drake has all the answers
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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