So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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