I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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