what if every blade of grass was a penis?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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