ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
