My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
