the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
