Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
