I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
