i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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