Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
