We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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