Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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