So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
