I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
