"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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