You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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