i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
