I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
