and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
