Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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