I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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