Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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