I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
