I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
