i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You pole danced in your parka.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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