i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
