i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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