I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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