shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
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Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
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I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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