We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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