Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
