Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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