I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
