I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
