i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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