Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
