Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Randomize
