hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
