And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
