btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
