I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
