I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
