"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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