I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My cat gives me a boner
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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