I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
