a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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