so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
