do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
