she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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